Now, this is probably one of the soppiest posts I will ever write, so excuse me for that. But this has been on my mind recently.
I have been a long believer that your first love is someone that makes a permanent mark on you, that you will never truly let go of – there are so so many references and hype around your first love – even a Google search of ‘first love’ reveals over 3 billion results! That’s more than ‘Jesus’ (sorry Jesus)…people live for love, they search for it, they long for it. But this article, like I’m sure many before me discusses why your second love is something to get excited over.
Like many girls I’ve fallen in love properly and it was really overwhelming when I legitimately felt it. I truly believe that when you really fall in love with someone, you will always have love for them, a purchase on them – although you may fall out of love with them, or even eventually despise them.
Having your heart broken by your first love is no laughing matter, it hurts, it actually physically hurts. No really! There are studies that suggest that,
“the brain actually triggers sensations that you also feel in times of “real” physical pain, making heartbreak truly, physically painful to add to the emotional distress it sometimes causes.” (Read more)
But there is hope…here are my top reasons to give your second love a chance and let go of the first.
1. Your second love brings relief
You never know if or when you will fall in love again, but it won’t happen until you are happy just being you. Nevertheless, when you fall in love the second time it’ll reassure you that the heart can heal and it does happen again and it’ll feel amazing. I believe most of the time what people find hardest to come to terms with is not missing the person, but the empty shape that person leaves. They miss the routine, the habit and the lifestyle that was created to accommodate their significant other.
2. You’re stronger and wiser
You know that heartbreak is possible, you know what it feels like and that isn’t something you will freely rush into again…until someone truly deserves your heart. Now you’re less naive, less of a sucker and lucky Lover Number 2 will be someone that goes through a much more gruelling interview process and they will be more right for you.
3. You’re a better person
Starting afresh can be a great thing, especially when your first love makes you lose your mind and you become that crazy person. The second time round you can be calm, composed, confident and be a much better definition of ‘in love’ than before.
4. Were you actually ever in love?
This is probably the most important point for me. When you first fell in love it was a brand new feeling and it was magical, but now after everything that has happened and after lucky numero dos sweeps you off your feet you start to question things a little and re-evaluate. Were you actually ever in love the first time? Were you just being naive? These are actually very comforting (and startling) revelations when you realise all those days, weeks, months, maybe even years of pining over that first love may have been just a silly waste of time.
This is what I personally feel and am experiencing and I hope it helps anyone trying to ‘get over’ their first love, I really feel for you, I promise it does get better. It just takes quality time to heal and the right person to put it all into perspective. There are so many people on the planet, don’t let yourself or anyone else talk you into thinking that you’ll never find anyone as good as you have loved before.
But whether you’re with your first, second or eleventh love, only you’ll know if it’s true love. So if it does go pear-shaped again, take a time-out, brush yourself off, remind yourself of how awesome you are, DON’T call them or let them know you miss them, enjoy just being you and fate will do the rest. I Promise.